Abandoned House

I ain't happy. I love the life I have, I need to take care of it, but I'm not doing it. At last I've accomplised my girl-friends physical afection: they hug me, take my hand, trust me their issues and are confident with me, they know I have no intentions thowards them but love. They let me hug them, touch their belly, their face, their hips. Finally, after a long time I feel emotionally satisfied, yet, I'm not taking care of my life, I'm not eating good enough, same with drinking. I'm mad at me for doing so. Many people love me but I don't love myself the same they do. Why? What do I need to do, to learn? How do I start?